Anxiety is real…

🎶It’s been a long time. I shouldn’t have left you….without a dope beat to step to🎵…I know yall was thinking where this chick go? My bad…I’m still learning how to cope with my anxiety. Funny thing is, I never quit writing. I just quit sharing 🙏🏽. I have been noticing a trend of my behavior though. When my anxiety starts to peak, the first thing I notice is a tremble in my body. I literally feel like I’m shaking or vibrating, but when I look at my body or hands they are still. I notice it becomes extremely difficult for me to organize my thoughts. I can’t fully concentrate or focus. My words often escape my mouth making little sense which causes me to have to often repeat and constantly explain myself; which leads to frustration. That frustration is usually displayed by anger because I’m constantly defending my reasons for being frustrated…all the while struggling to find the words to express my thoughts and trembling inside. Did I loose you???? Coming out of an episode is just as draining as going in one. With all this going on I still have to be a wife. I am still a mother of 5 children. I still have a job. I am still required and expected to fulfill all my duties and to the best of my ability. How sway. There is a good medication out there that helps tremendously. Sadly in some people’s view its labeled “bad”. Marijuana helps me cope with anxiety very well. Sadly because of the naive world we live in its not something available legally to everyone. Here is the even bigger kicker…in the places where it is legal employers still maintain the right to refuse or terminate employment if in your system when drug tested. I’ve tried other prescription meds such as Prozac and Zoloft. Those had me like a zombie and completely unable to function. Those are legal though…again….How sway. I have found that writing does also help me. I can say exactly what I want to this paper with no judgment. Thats one of the main reasons I even started this blog. I wanted to have a dedicated space to speak my peace. To all my friends who suffer from anxiety I encourage you to find your own safe haven. Rather its painting, writing, poetry or even yoga create your peace in a valley. Its important and vital to be able to release all that tension in a safe way. It took me years to get where I am today and I have lots of growth still to do. The thing about pressure is you have to let the steam out one way or another. You can slowly release it or you can explode.

R.I.P

Richard Maxwell Taylor III